A Voldemort Daughter Parody
by Codi Lynn
Summary: Hermione believes it, Harry worships her, and Ron doesn't buy it. What happened to Hermione during their summer going into sixth year? Why does she think she is Voldemort's daughter? And how will this effect Hogwarts?
1. Chapter One

_Disclaimer & Author's Note: I don't own Harry Potter. The stories, the characters, even the way I uses Latin belongs to the author J.K. Rowling. This is a parody; if you get mad over it because you are writing about Voldemort's fandom daughter, it isn't my fault. Okay? I am going to try to get a beta version of this chapter up as soon as possible.  
_

**A Voldemort-Daughter Parody**

Chapter One: Teh Evil  
Transformation of Hermione

Hermione Brittanie Granger was never the prettiest girl in school. _No…_ she thought to herself, _that title belongs to Lavender or that Cho girl. As always, they are too perfect. _ In fact, she wasn't even sure she was the brightest or even smartest girl in Hogwarts, not with that Susan Bones around. They just didn't _understand_ Hermione Brittanie Granger. Everyday she insisted to drench herself into sorrow over a secret… a horrible secret she didn't want to share. But of course, her _friends_ were going to find out eventually no matter what she did. It was her family who had done this to her; it was they (or him) who had made her like this.

During the summer, her mother and father just so happened to tell her a dark secret about themselves. Hermione Brittanie Granger would have never guessed that her parents was truly pure-blood and, on top of that, they were also Death Eaters sent on a top secret assignment for their Dark Lord, but that was only the beginning. She soon found out that her very own mother, Wakana Qiana Granger, had an affair with the notorious Voldemort and he was really Hermione Brittanie Granger's father. After that they decided to send their daughter to Death Eater Youth Camp of a full summer where they learned to be as evil as their lord.

Hermione Brittanie Granger was ever so happy to go to the camp where she would learn how to be Teh Evil™ that would make her parents prouder than they had ever been.

When Hermione Brittanie Granger came back from Death Eater Youth Camp, she was a changed girl. With an elegant grace, Hermione Brittanie Granger walked out of the train with a luxurious shade of straight, not puffy, midnight-purple hair, cocaine-colored eyes, and a figure that had curves in all the right places. But that wasn't the only change her parents found in her; on the other side of her, it seemed that Hermione Brittanie had found a boyfriend in the only sex god at Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy. (A/N: Together, they became the only two to master the Dark Arts at Death Eater Youth Camp and up falling in love, I thought you should know.)

With her new look, attitude, and boyfriend Hermione Brittanie Granger was almost ready to start her sixth year at Hogwarts. _I need a new name…_ she wrote in her private journal; she believed that all evil teenage girls needed a journal, _Mya? No. How about 'Mione? I think Draco will love this, _she continued to write. _'Mione is perfect._

Now with her transformation complete, it was time for Hogwarts. And with that came the satisfaction of shocking her friends Ron Weasley and the famous Harry Potter with her new brand new look and token boyfriend.

* * *

"What a wonderful day," Hermione Brittanie said, walking hand and hand with her token boyfriend, Draco, to Platform 9 ¾, "if you think the sun is a wonderful thing. I prefer clouds and rain." 

The breathtaking couple scuffed across their way through the walkways of the Hogwarts Express looking for the perfect compartment all to themselves. Throughout their search, she noticed the gossiping whispers of her _friends_. It wasn't unusual to Hermione Brittanie Granger at all, she was used to this treatment. All last year there was thought about her relationship with Ron Weasley. _That Cho girl, I am to good to take away from her 'ideal' compartment. We can get another one. _They continued until they past rows of compartments full of Hufflepuffs. _As usual, they are in the center of the train. Alas, will they ever change? Huh. We can always curse their arses to France._ Lastly, they came to the ideal compartment with one drawback. _Ron and Harry! They destroy everything; they will not allow me to be happy!_

_Meanwhile…_

Harry and Ron sat down in their seats and Ron seemed to whisper something to Harry, but even with Hermione Brittanie Granger's "uber-speshul!!1!" hearing couldn't pick it up.

"Er," Harry pointed manically towards Hermione Brittanie Granger's direction before grabbing Ron and darting towards her to get a closer look, "isn't that Hermione?" At that very moment, he fell over the heels in love with Hermione's amazing long, flowing, midnight-purple hair and an hourglass figure. "Her eyes, they are so white. _Wow!_"

Ron looked confused (A/N: but he is always confused, hehehe! I am so funny), "Who? Her? Hermione is much prettier than that girl anyways." Ron walked back over to his seat where he started to fiddle with his thumbs, "This is going to be an uneventful trip to Hogwarts this year… I hope." But things never goes his way.

As the time passed, Hermione Brittanie Granger and Draco Malfoy joined Ron and Harry for no reason at all. Within the 5 seconds they were in the compartment, Harry leaped onto the floor to bow to the greatest of all, Hermione Brittanie Granger.

"I am so flattered that you the famous Harry Potter would bow to little old me," Hermione Brittanie Granger said with a stylish grace. Well that was what Harry and Draco thought; Ron was just getting sick to his stomach.

"May I get up now, the Wonderful, Amazing Hermione?" Harry addressed with a hope that the extraordinary, fabulous, and fantastic Hermione Brittanie Granger might touch him.

"Please Harry, call me 'Mione," she whispered into his ear (A/N: his right ear silly!) before hurling her hair into the air in a chic manner.

"Thank you, thank you, Her-- 'Mione," Hermione Brittanie Granger sat down over by the train's window. Moments later, Draco joined her.

Harry squealed out with joy, Draco joined in, Hermione Brittanie Granger fanned herself with her hands because she was Teh Hawt™ and Ron simply rolled his eyes before getting up, "I think I am going to find my sister, you know, Ginny." Uninfected with the stunning affection for Hermione Brittanie "'Mione" Granger, girlfriend of Draco Malfoy and master of Harry Potter, he got up and left the room. "Uh, I guess I was wrong. This was eventful." Minutes later he found Ginny.

"I need your help, Ginny."

_Next time on A Voldemort-Daughter Parody:_

"You have to agree with me. That isn't Hermione; the real Hermione is locked up somewhere. She has to be, that girl with Harry is an imposter. You have to believe me, right?" Ginny was never used to Ron begging for her help with something important, so this had to be true.

"Ok, Ron, I will help. What do you want be to do?"

Will Ron find out what happened to Hermione over the summer? Will Ginny help him with this mystery? What kind of effect does this have on Hogwarts? What does the past have to do with this? Stay tuned to _A Voldemort-Daughter Parody_.

Thanks to Jillian for being my beta!


	2. Chapter Two

_Disclaimer & Author's Note: The disclaimer portion is really important now. Thanks for reading the first chapter of my story and I really happy to hear that you enjoyed it._

**A Voldemort-Daughter Parody**

Chapter Two: The Unusual,  
Uneventful _re_Sorting

Finally the silence broke with a murmur. Ron looked up at his sister. "Ginny, can we talk outside?" Ron asked slowing, as if there was something more important on his mind. "This is important, in a my best friend is going mad and there as to be a logical reason for her- madness."

"Ron, I can't understand you. You're babbling," Ginny said, walking out of the compartment she shared with Luna and Neville. "Is there something wrong with Harry?" Ron looked disappointed at her and shook his head. "_Hermione?_"

"Yes," Ron simply replied and explained the whole unbelievable situation to his sister.

Ginny smiled, revealing her doubts about Ron's story. "Are you sure Hermione didn't change over the summer?"

"She's calling herself _'Hermione Brittanie Granger' _but this isn't the point. You have to agree with me. That isn't Hermione; the real Hermione is locked up somewhere. She as to be, that girl with Harry is an imposter. You have to believe me, right?" Ginny was never used to Ron begging for her help with something important, so, she concluded, this must be true.

"Ok, Ron, I will help. What do you want me to do?" Ginny said.

Ron looked at her. "No, not right now," He looked over his shoulders '"Hermione' and her cult following might have grown to including dozens of students now. It isn't safe to talk about it on the train…"

Ginny merely laughed, "Ron, you are being paranoid. Don't worry about me; I can take care of myself. I will just make sure that Luna, Neville, or me doesn't talk to her. Oh, or Harry, Draco, and anyone that seems to be out of character. Okay?"

Ron looked down at his feet realizing that Ginny was, once again, correct. He was being _slightly_ paranoid. "Okay," Ron smiled before he continued with he thought, "your right, we shouldn't," he paused, losing his train of thought, "don't talk to them until we get to Hogwarts and if you don't mind I am going to sit with you. I don't think I can take stomach another minute with Hermione _Brittanie_ Granger and her coven of prats"

Ginny smiled, revealing that trademark Weasley smile. "Of course can sit with us, Ron. We welcome you. Seriously, we'll love the extra company," she said. Ginny moved out the way for Ron could open the door, they walk in with a somewhat happy mood

After a few minutes, Ron thought it was best to go back to his original compartment. "Are you sure you want to go back, Ron?"

"Yeah, I am sure. I think I can handle them now." Ron simply walked away not knowing how his friends (and Draco) will react to him now.

_Meanwhile… _(A/N: I can't write a good transition, so yeah. Give me good reviews anyways. omgwtfbbq)

"You are kidding me, right? Why should you carry Hermione Brittanie Granger's bags? I knew her longer, I was her friend longer, and, uh, yeah! I _loved _her longer then you." said Harry to Draco and Draco… well, Draco was just shocked that his new found friend would say something that mean to him.

"Harry, you lie! You just like her because she had her "uber-hottne3s!1!" transformation, There I said it," Draco looked down at his hands, Harry throw his arms up in outrage (a/n: wait, is that possible?), and Hermione Brittanie Granger just fanned her beautiful self. Oh, right. This is also where Ron come in (A/N: but, no cares about him. I mean, it's Ron! hehehe).

"Oh, Ron. You came back to us. We missed so much," Hermione Brittanie Granger said in the most elegant way. "Do come and help me with my bags."

"Er. _What_?"

"You missed Ron! Draco and I argued for a hour over who gets to carry 'Mione Brittanie Granger's bags and then we, we, we decide to carry them together, you know, since the train rides ends…" Harry looks at his watch ("I thought your watch didn't work in the train," Ron said.), "…now. Let's go Draco and Hermione, I mean, 'Mione. I sorry. I didn't mean to call you that. I hang my head in shame."

"Oh! Don't cry, Harry, don't cry." Hermione Brittanie Granger proceed to pat Harry's head. "It is okay, I won't kill you over such a--"

"Wait! How are we at Hogwarts? When I was only gone a hour, it usually takes all day, I think, to get to Hogwarts. Are we in some weird time warp? Because if we are, I'm not fully prepared for that." Ron knew he either had to figure out what happened to Hermione or die trying (even if he thought that it was a bit cliché) and when he thought it couldn't get much worse, for the first time in history, a resorting happened.

* * *

"Welcome to another year at Hogwarts…" That is usually when Ron starts to turns out Dumbledore's 'Welcome Back to Hogwarts' speech, since every year was the same, he just assumed that he wasn't missing much. Every yearMinerva McGonagall, the Deputy Headmistress and Transfigurationprofessor, comes in with the first years to get them sorted, the introductions of the teacher, which seemed to be redundant for the older students, and then the feast, in Ron's opinion, is the best part of the opening ceremony. But this year was different, it seemed different, and it _felt_ different. Finally after observing his potatoes to the point that he thought he saw them actually moved, Ron noticed something. 'Hermione' wasn't sitting with Harry, Ginny, or himself, but she was in line to get sorted-- _again_? "… For the first time in the history of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy, we are having a resorting. It came to our attention that this student, Hermione Brittanie Granger, had been told a life changing truth that may have distorted her previous sorting. Hermione Granger, please sit down."

In a timeless fashion, Hermione Brittanie Granger went to sit down on the stool. Her beautiful gold dress flowed down to the stair where it met the white shoes she was wearing, being resorted is a honor for the Granger-Riddle family. "Please, allow me to sit the hat on my head," she politely put the hat on her head. "Sort me."

"Slytherin!" the Sorting Hat said with a hint of surprise. Almost immediately Hermione Brittanie jumped up to join her boyfriend, Draco, and a cheering Slytherin crowd and Gryffindor mourned the lost of their best and brightest classmate, housemate, and friend.

"What just happened here?" said Ron, being the first one to break the silence. Of course, no one listened to him anyways. They were all still mourning the lost of Hermione _Jane_ Granger, or at least the girl they though was her.

_Next time on A Voldemort-Daughter Parody_:

"What do you mean it happened before?" Ron was surprised to hear such news. "Why didn't we know this before? Where didn't you find out the information?"

Ginny looked up reveling that she was reading directly from a book. "Honestly, Ron, how many times did Hermione tell you and Harry to read _Hogwarts: A History_? This book is full information; it's very helpful with figuring out what happened to Hermione."

"So, you believe me now?"

"Without a doubt, I believe that Hermione isn't who says she is. Now, allow me to tell you our best case scenario." Ginny said seriously while putting down her book.

Will Ron and Ginny figure out the mystery between Hermione, her transformation, and her Death Eater connection? How will Snape react with Hermione Brittanie Granger now in Slytherin? How many students and friends was infected by Hermione Brittanie? Stay tuned to _A Voldemort-Daughter Parody_.


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